Everyday, when I retrieve this little love from school, there is a smart ass little girl who shouts “Yay, Makenna’s leaving”. It is nagging, I want to cheerfully meet my daughter after a long day apart and this Child’s comment is a nuisance. This same child has (3 weeks into school, mind you) sent Kenna home with scratches on two separate occasions, scratches that actually drew blood! Knowing the nature of my child and that over time she has proved herself to consistently operate with generosity and care toward her peers, I was confident she wasn’t instigating this relationship but I have a responsibility to inquire. I’m not a hover and insert myself type of mother, on most occasions I take a backseat without her knowledge of my presence. I do this simply to see how she will choose to respond to other children in everyday tasks and in difficult scenarios without my authority influencing her. She makes me proud. I asked the instructors what Kenna’s role was in these situations and why this girl is so thankful to see Kenna go EVERYDAY. They assured me Kenna hadn’t played a harmful role in the dynamic going on between her and this child. Naturally I want wreck this little five year old for being ugly to my baby but today I thought, how did she become this way? Why is she hateful at only five years old? This is particularly malicious behavior from a child of five that, in my opinion, exceeds the social maturity of a child of this age. What made her grow up so quickly and what has driven her into this place of consistent conflict? I refuse to believe that some kids are just mean by nature. There are things that are unique to Kenna that I have zero control over but behavior like this? In no way would this behavior be organically produced in our home. So I wrestle with my thoughts as I consider this other Child’s home life.
Parenting is such a unique position to be in. It challenges me to be compassionate past what I feel capable of. For example, considering the condition of the heart of the child inflicting grief on my child. There are many lessons ahead that I’ve yet to learn.
My heart is broken in this situation because I am not ready for Kenna to step into the bit of reality where exists a breed of people who hurt others without it being about the people they directly inflict grief on. It’s a treacherous lesson to learn. I honestly believe (and it may be naive of me) that most people who have hurt me, have not diagnosed for themselves the nature of the problem inside themselves that has presented in a mishandling of their relationship with me. I don’t believe every hurt I have endured has been about me directly and vice versa with the people I have hurt. We all have these experiences that attempt to shape our future relationships with others. How we allow them to influence our dealings with others is up to us! We have that authority! Wow. Inevitably Kenna will be faced with learning how to be a positive for people like this. Inevitably she will encounter the world around her, she already is. My hope for her is that her security and love at home will triumph in moments like she’s encountering today which will hopefully allow her to be an example and beacon of hope for this girl and the others that will be in her path. My hope is she will be an invitation to think, act and love in a way that differs from what these people (this child) have experienced this far. That she will be able to discern what is about her and what is about something bigger. My hope for this particular little five year old child, is that someone she trusts will intervene at an early stage to show her gentleness and safety.